I have really bad luck with roommates. I don't know why. It is not always true, I have had absolutely wonderful roommate experiences, with Alex from Spain being probably the best ever. But I seem locked into a now well-over-one-year stretch of frustrating living situations. I know this is my first post in FOREVER, so I'm going to rant and then make another post that's about something more fun, but I need to blow off steam and I don't have anyone to talk to right now.
So I've been living in my new apartment for about a week now, been eating meals and everything, and this morning I started out not running late and then time got away from me, so I didn't do my dishes before I left. As I was walking out the door my 60 or 70-something year old roommate Neil from England asked if they were my dishes. I said that some of them were and that I'd wash them at lunchtime, which I did. Then this evening I heard Branton and Marisol get home so I went over there to pay rent for this month, which I'd neglected to do (I gave the security deposit a while back so they had forgotten too.), and Branton says, "Oh, Neil came and talked to me and I'm supposed to chastise you for not washing the dishes because he wanted to cook this morning and couldn't." I was surprised because there are 2 other frying pans, but I accepted what he said. Back in the apartment, I approached Neil because I figured he's old and a guy and probably doesn't know about looking for things, so I asked what had been the problem that he needed to cook and couldn't use the other frying pans we had and he looks at me smugly and says, "Oh, I don't use frying pans." So I said well what's the problem, and after at least five more minutes of him being cryptic and I was able to discern that the problem was not that I had used anything that he wanted to use, but simply that he had had to look at dirty dishes in the morning, which he is not accustomed to doing.
Now at this point I am thinking back to living with Heather: we let dirty dishes accumulate until there were many of them and then we washed them. Sometimes we washed them for each other. Then I think back to living in the house in St. Paul, where we had a 24-hour rule, which I feel is the ideal limit. Still, many times I came home to dirty dishes that I needed (i.e. no other option) in the sink so I just washed them and used them, occasionally leaving my mess in the sink if it was comparable or less, which was usually was cleaned by the first person. And this didn't even have to be worked out verbally. Meanwhile the Nepali woman continually used all of the mugs, one pot for milk, and the pressure cooker. By continually used I mean if they weren't used they were always left dirty and if clean typically hidden in their room before I would ever have the chance to use them. Then I think back to living with Lily and Jen and the messes that lingered for up to a week rarely, but every so often after a dinner party or cooking spree. I relaxed the 24-hour rule for myself on occasion living with them, but I tried my best, and never left huge messes, or if I did I left a note, and all was understood, and I put up with messes being there when I didn't want them because, well, that's what you do when you live with other people. Flexibility (thanks, Bonnie!). Then I think of Lee's apartment and how there were usually someone's dirty dishes in the sink, and it wasn't a big deal for anyone, as long as they eventually got cleaned, even if it was somewhat inconvenient once in a while.
So I say to Neil, well I'm sorry that you were inconvienced this morning when I was late. I'd like you to remember that this has only happened once and while I would certainly take into account the fact that he doesn't want to ever have to look at dirty dishes, and make a serious effort to try and clean things up right after I use them, I want him to understand that sometimes something will happen that will result in me not cleaning the dishes for a few hours.
His response was essentially, "I want you to wash everything right away," which he said in different ways and then accused me of not being respectful of the way he lives his life, etc. I reiterated that I would sincerely make an effort but could not promise I would never not clean my dishes immediately after finishing a meal (Because, frankly, not his call. I'm paying rent too.). Then he stared at me. Without blinking. I stared back for approximately 10 seconds, just to make sure he was actually acting like a 10-year-old, then said, "Are we seriously having a staring contest?" In the most condescending, patronizing tone I've heard in a while (well, since Ernie in the Jumbo), he replies "Well, I would like you to respect how I feel." I asked him to please not speak to me in a condescending manner, he said it wasn't, I explained that that's how it sounded, and his next move? "I think we should go get Branton." At this point I am in shock that he not only went to Branton first to complain about one thing I did that bothered him immediately after it happened ONCE, but was now going to get him again after a few minutes of disagreements.
When Branton came in Neil said hardly anything so I explained about him being offended by merely the dirty dishes and said that I was willing to make an effort to change my habits but would appreciate some flexibility on his part. So Branton talked for a while about the need for understanding and I said that I understood Neil and was waiting to hear that he understood me, and that actually meant something. Then Neil launched into I'm older and wiser and holier than thou mode, and I realized that this is all actually underlaid by him being older and probably him being male and me being young (and female) and thinking that because of this what he says goes. So I expressed that worry, but Neil was, as he had been since about minute 2 of the conversation, staring at his computer, so basically Branton (poor guy, trying not to take sides) and I had a conversation while Neil rudely ignored us.
I'm fairly disgusted right now. In my opinion adults are respected because they are more mature than children, but this means that they ought to display that maturity. It is not my responsibility to bend over backwards to please anyone for the sole reason that they older than me, especially not a roommate who I don't want anymore than he wants me. There are many ways in which someone earns respect, and being some old jerk from England who moved in first is not one of them. Really I just have a hard time doing nice things for anyone who feels entitled, whether it be because they are richer than someone else, better looking than someone else, or whatever. I do, actually, a lot of the time, treat people as I would have them treat me. And the rest of the time I'm trying. Boo on people who don't even try.
No comments:
Post a Comment